Ephesians 5: 1 – 2 NLT
“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.
Ephesians 4: 1 – 2 NLT
Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
Once again, those verses give us the overriding principle that we need to follow in specific areas. Love, humility, patience overshadow all the decisions and relationships we have in our lives. Keep that in mind as we look at a very specific relationship – marriage.
Ephesians 5: 21 – 33 NLT
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
These verses start with a statement that that refutes any idea of someone being the boss. Even Christ, God Himself, was willing to come to earth, live a life basically in poverty, and suffer a horrendous death. Matthew 20: 28 states that clearly: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
These verses about marriage can not be interpreted as giving husbands permission to boss their wives and family around. You’ll notice that there are a few verses telling wives to let their husbands be the leaders in the home. Then there are many verses telling the husbands to love their wives the way Christ loved the church – or even the way they love themselves.
How does that actually work out?
In the 21 st century, women have fought to be respected and valued. In the late 1960’s when I attended university, first year female students were gathered and told we should be excited that we now made up close to 20% of the student body. We were told to wear skirts on campus – rather daunting clothing on University Hill on campus in London, Ontario during the winter. I remember Gloria Steinem, a feminist, fighting for women’s rights in the 1960’s and 70’s. These verses about “submitting” and “respecting” your husband’s leadership don’t sit well with women today. Yet, if we’re honest, 2 people in a marriage don’t always agree, so how do decisions get made? The Bible tells us that the husband is the leader – so he gets the final say.
BUT, the verses advising the husbands on how to relate to their wives make that leadership role very difficult. “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” A husband who lives the way Jesus did throughout his life on earth and through his trial and crucifixtion will not be The Boss. He will not act in his own interests, but in ways to show love for his wife. Even if he has to sacrifice things he wants or prefers. If a husband acted the way Jesus did, it wouldn’t be a problem at all for a wife to accept his leadership.
All marriages go through difficult times. None of us are perfect, and we make mistakes we wish we could undo. As followers of Jesus, sometimes we need to really look at our own behaviour and attitudes and pray for his help as we try to fix crumbling relationships. How can I be the loving partner in the marriage?
These verses in 1 Corinthians 13 from The Message give us some practical ways.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Our song for today is The Blessing by Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes.